(Un)Wavering Confidence

Growing up, I never considered myself inferior. Do I come from a disadvantaged background? Yes, absolutely. However, I never let that limiting belief define me. It may be true that I may have to work twice as hard as some of my peers to get half the results, but my outlook on life has never been a self-deprecating one. Quite the contrary, I’ve been confident in my ability to succeed so long as I work hard and strive to do my best. My confidence in success has only wavered twice in my life.

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The first was applying to medical school. Getting into medical school is an incredible challenge; there was massive doubt that I would be accepted. My objective metrics - my MCAT and GPA - were below average. I had some difficulty in undergrad managing school, work, and being a student-athlete, which was reflected in my grades. The nurse practitioner I used to work with had no doubt I would make it in, but that was based on my character, overall enthusiasm, and work ethic. Can I adequately display these qualities in a handful of essays? Despite the uncertainty, something captivated the admissions committee, and I got a few interviews and then admittance into medical school.

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The second time my confidence has wavered is now. I’ve never felt more hatred towards Mi raza than I have now. My brother speaks of ICE agents showing up to his school… his MIDDLE school… where they’ve come by and picked up kids - children - only for them to never return. My family tells me of neighbors that are scooped up while on walks - as if they’re rabid animals. At least stray dogs get some compassion from the public when they’re locked away at the SPCA.

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What atrocities could these individuals have committed to warrant such heinous behavior? For many of them, it’s simply existing. I doubt the kids they’ve picked up have committed mass murders or have been responsible for elite drug heists. Many of these people have done nothing but work hard and honestly to provide better opportunities for their next of kin.

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Myself, and many of my peers, are the result of these endeavors.

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Do we get praise for the challenges we’ve faced? No. We’re ostracized and told to “go back to where we came from.” I, for one, was born in Texas.

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Nowadays, it feels scarier than ever to represent my culture for fear of suffering a similar fate as others around me. Simply due to being from a different background. Flea markets, grocery stores, churches; all areas previously buzzing with livelihood, have now become desolate. Many of those I care about no longer leave their homes, worried if they’ll ever make it back.

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Frankly, I’m not sure how far this will stretch. Part of me doesn’t even know if I am safe, despite me being born a citizen and having been here all my life. And what am I trying to do with my life? Become a doctor so that I can help people, including my perpetrators.

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Especially my perpetrators.

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Because ultimately we cannot beat hatred with hatred. As future physicians, we endeavor to aid in their health. Regardless of the current political state, our confidence in ourselves and our peers must remain unwavering, una confianza inquebrantable. No matter what the years ahead look like for us, we must remain strong. Unídos lo lograremos.